Saving Marriage After Infidelity: Moving Past the Pain
When we first learn, that our spouse has been unfaithful, we usually experience a barrage of emotions. These can range from anger -"how dare they do this to me after all I've done for them,"- to self-pity and sadness -"its my fault that they were looking for someone better." While it is difficult saving marriage after infidelity is not impossible. The couple must be willing to work together towards the goal of saving the marriage.
The first thing that the couple needs to decide is whether or not the marriage can be saved. If the spouse who was unfaithful expresses remorse and a desire to save the marriage, then there is a very good chance that the marriage can be saved. However, if one of the spouses simply refuses to work on saving the marriage, seperating may be necessary.
Once a couple has committed to the goal, of saving marriage after infidelity, they must be prepared for the challenges they will face. There will be a lot of highly-charged emotional issues and a lot of painful discussions. This is why it is usually best that a counselor be used. This person can act as a mediator. They can also relieve the tension if things get to heated during the session. During counseling, or at anytime while discussing the affair, both sides must make an extra effort to listen. While it may be painful to listen to your wife or husband describe their affair, it can lend you a great deal of insight into their psyche. Many people are shocked to learn that their spouse was unfaithful not because they were unhappy with their partner, but rather because they were unhappy with themselves. The woman or man who has begun to feel like life is passing them by, may see the affair as a confirmation of their worth.
None of this is meant to provide an excuse for your partners behavior. However, if you have never experienced any stress in your relationship, then you do not know how strong it really is. You and your spouse can fix your marriage if you are willing to work on it. The link below has more information on how to improve your marriage after infidelity.
The first thing that the couple needs to decide is whether or not the marriage can be saved. If the spouse who was unfaithful expresses remorse and a desire to save the marriage, then there is a very good chance that the marriage can be saved. However, if one of the spouses simply refuses to work on saving the marriage, seperating may be necessary.
Once a couple has committed to the goal, of saving marriage after infidelity, they must be prepared for the challenges they will face. There will be a lot of highly-charged emotional issues and a lot of painful discussions. This is why it is usually best that a counselor be used. This person can act as a mediator. They can also relieve the tension if things get to heated during the session. During counseling, or at anytime while discussing the affair, both sides must make an extra effort to listen. While it may be painful to listen to your wife or husband describe their affair, it can lend you a great deal of insight into their psyche. Many people are shocked to learn that their spouse was unfaithful not because they were unhappy with their partner, but rather because they were unhappy with themselves. The woman or man who has begun to feel like life is passing them by, may see the affair as a confirmation of their worth.
None of this is meant to provide an excuse for your partners behavior. However, if you have never experienced any stress in your relationship, then you do not know how strong it really is. You and your spouse can fix your marriage if you are willing to work on it. The link below has more information on how to improve your marriage after infidelity.
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